I know. It's been a REALLY long time. But, holy buckets have I been busy. Here's this week's installment:
Bittersweet Symphony
'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Trying to make ends meet
You're a slave to money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the veins meet yeah
No change, I can't change
I can't change, I can't change
But I'm here in my mind
I am here in my mind
But I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mind
No, no, no, no, no, no, no,no,no,no,no,no(fading away)
Well I never pray
But tonight I'm on my knees yeah
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now
But the airways are clean and there's nobody singing to me now
No change, I can't change
I can't change, I can't change
But I'm here in my mind
I am here in my mind
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mind
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
I can't change
I can't change it
'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Trying to make ends meet
Trying to find some money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the veins meet yeah
You know I can't change, I can't change
I can't change, I can't change
But I'm here in my mind
I am here in my mind
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the nextI can't change my mind
No, no, no, no, no
I can't change my mind
no, no, no, no, no,
I can't change
Can't change my body,
no, no, no
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
Been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
That you've ever been down
That you've ever been down
~The Verve
Every time I hear this song, I am reminded of my friend Tiff's brother. I never got a chance to meet him. But, I think of him every day.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Spin Cycle
So this week's Spin Cycle has to do with fear. What am I afraid of?
Well, by nature, I am afraid just about everything.
Really, I am.
I HATE spiders. The thought of them makes me shiver uncontrollably. And, the fact that someone told me once that the average person eats 5 spiders a year, in their SLEEP, makes me want to cover my mouth and nose with duct tape every night.
When I was a kid, I was afraid of walking anywhere by myself. I hated to walk "up town" to the grocery store for something my mom forgot and would often beg, plead and bribe my sister to go with me. I REFUSED to walk anywhere at night that was off my block.
I hate scary movies, haunted houses and Halloween. I don't like the feeling of being scared. I don't like answering the door to trick or treaters on Halloween. I hate the fact I can't see who people are under all of the masks or face paint.
I do fear losing a family member. I don't have kids of my own, but, the thought of losing a niece or nephew, or brother or sister is a scary thought to me.
But the thing I fear most is conflict. Hate ANY kind of conflict. The thought of an argument with my husband or sister or mom sends my heart racing and gives me the sickening feeling in my stomach. It almost feels like my body is getting ready for the fight or flight response. If it's a conflict that goes on for more than a day, it can get so bad that I don't eat, sleep and get depressed. My brain automatically decides that the reason the other person I'm having the conflict with is right, that it's MY fault or that I did something wrong. And to make the conflict go away, I will just roll over and let them walk all over me.
Well, and that lends itself to all kinds of other issues.
I don't know why I'm like this. I have ALWAYS been like this. Even in grade school, when my friends would get "mad" at me. (You know how the "mean girls" work...) My heart would start pounding, my stomach would get the sick feeling and my brain would race to try to figure out a way to get back in their good graces.
Because it was my fault, wasn't it?
Well, by nature, I am afraid just about everything.
Really, I am.
I HATE spiders. The thought of them makes me shiver uncontrollably. And, the fact that someone told me once that the average person eats 5 spiders a year, in their SLEEP, makes me want to cover my mouth and nose with duct tape every night.
When I was a kid, I was afraid of walking anywhere by myself. I hated to walk "up town" to the grocery store for something my mom forgot and would often beg, plead and bribe my sister to go with me. I REFUSED to walk anywhere at night that was off my block.
I hate scary movies, haunted houses and Halloween. I don't like the feeling of being scared. I don't like answering the door to trick or treaters on Halloween. I hate the fact I can't see who people are under all of the masks or face paint.
I do fear losing a family member. I don't have kids of my own, but, the thought of losing a niece or nephew, or brother or sister is a scary thought to me.
But the thing I fear most is conflict. Hate ANY kind of conflict. The thought of an argument with my husband or sister or mom sends my heart racing and gives me the sickening feeling in my stomach. It almost feels like my body is getting ready for the fight or flight response. If it's a conflict that goes on for more than a day, it can get so bad that I don't eat, sleep and get depressed. My brain automatically decides that the reason the other person I'm having the conflict with is right, that it's MY fault or that I did something wrong. And to make the conflict go away, I will just roll over and let them walk all over me.
Well, and that lends itself to all kinds of other issues.
I don't know why I'm like this. I have ALWAYS been like this. Even in grade school, when my friends would get "mad" at me. (You know how the "mean girls" work...) My heart would start pounding, my stomach would get the sick feeling and my brain would race to try to figure out a way to get back in their good graces.
Because it was my fault, wasn't it?
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Fives About Me
The rules: Each player answers the question themselves. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blog and leaves them a comment letting them know that they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog. Let the person that tagged you know when you've answered the questions on your blog.
10 years ago I was:
1. Starting my first year teaching fourth grade after teaching first grade for three years.
2. Helping my sister by watching my nephew one night a week while she worked.
3. Blonder
4. Weighed less (but not much)
5. 29 years old
5 things on today’s to-do list:
1. Finish the laundry
2. Walk Trudy around the loop
3. Vacuum up the dog hair (from Trudy)
4. Work at getting rid of my panic attack
5. Change the sheets on the bed
5 snacks I enjoy:
1. Oreos
2. Kettle Corn (The 100 calorie kind)
3. Honey crisp apples with peanut butter
4. Weight watchers pretzels
5. Beef jerky
5 things I would do if I were a millionaire: (I’m changing this to be Billionaire too)
1. Pay off my house and the houses of all my friends and family members (Buy property, that is close, for my sister that will allow her family to have a farm... I don't want them to move away!)
2. Buy a new car for my husband
3. Remodel the kitchen
4. Remodel the garage for my husband
5. Have all our "antique" cars finished
5 places I have lived:
1. Snoqualmie
2. Snoqualmie
3. Snoqualmie
4. Ellensburg
5. Snoqualmie
5 jobs I have had: (in order)
1. Babysitter
2. Horse stall mucker
3. Dental Assistant
4. Day Camp Counselor/director
5. Teacher
5 people to Tag:
Tina already tagged the two people (her and Tiff) that I would have tagged, so I am not going to tag...
10 years ago I was:
1. Starting my first year teaching fourth grade after teaching first grade for three years.
2. Helping my sister by watching my nephew one night a week while she worked.
3. Blonder
4. Weighed less (but not much)
5. 29 years old
5 things on today’s to-do list:
1. Finish the laundry
2. Walk Trudy around the loop
3. Vacuum up the dog hair (from Trudy)
4. Work at getting rid of my panic attack
5. Change the sheets on the bed
5 snacks I enjoy:
1. Oreos
2. Kettle Corn (The 100 calorie kind)
3. Honey crisp apples with peanut butter
4. Weight watchers pretzels
5. Beef jerky
5 things I would do if I were a millionaire: (I’m changing this to be Billionaire too)
1. Pay off my house and the houses of all my friends and family members (Buy property, that is close, for my sister that will allow her family to have a farm... I don't want them to move away!)
2. Buy a new car for my husband
3. Remodel the kitchen
4. Remodel the garage for my husband
5. Have all our "antique" cars finished
5 places I have lived:
1. Snoqualmie
2. Snoqualmie
3. Snoqualmie
4. Ellensburg
5. Snoqualmie
5 jobs I have had: (in order)
1. Babysitter
2. Horse stall mucker
3. Dental Assistant
4. Day Camp Counselor/director
5. Teacher
5 people to Tag:
Tina already tagged the two people (her and Tiff) that I would have tagged, so I am not going to tag...
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Hey, Would you Mind Pulling My...
Tonight after school I stopped by the library because I had some books that I put a hold on to pick up. Hoping they were still there (I think I waited too long). I pulled into the parking lot, locked the door to my truck and headed for the front door.
About half way there, this sweaty man holding a long rope stopped me.
"Can you help this man by pulling his car faster than 15 miles an hour so he can bump start it?" He motions to two guys standing next to a car in the parking lot.
"Um, I don't think I know how to do that."
"We'll just tie this rope to your bumper, tie the other end to his bumper and then you can tow him"
"Um, I don't think that I want you tying anything to my bumper."
"Well, not your BUMPER but your hitch back there."
Creeped out, I glance again at the two guys standing next to the offending car. I start to try memorizing the make and model of the car, what these three guys look like, and what clothes they have on.
"Um, does this guy have a manual transmission?"
"No, you don't need one of those to bump start a car." (OK, I may be a girl, but, I've bump started a few cars in my day and I KNOW you can't bump start an automatic.) "We've just been trying it with it in neutral and then jamming it into drive. We just can't get it going fast enough."
I have visions of me pulling them through the parking lot and when they "jam" their car into drive, seeing the tires skid as my huge diesel drags it along for the ride, inevitably ripping off my bumper or theirs, or both.
"Come on. It'll only take five minutes."
I try the: "Man, this is my husband's truck."
"Nothing's gonna happen to it."
"Um, I don't thing this is a good idea. Sorry."
And I walked away. I did. I walked away.
Dooce just posted on her website a rhetorical question about whether you would give money to someone (homeless) even if you knew they were going to spend it on crack. And I felt kind of bad for not helping these guys. BUT...
This is going to sound like justification, but, these guys didn't care about my truck nor did they look like they had the resources to repair any damage that might be caused by helping them. What I think I did in this instance, is save damage happening to my truck. Damage that would cost more than a small $20 you might give to someone standing on the freeway on/off ramp during rush hour. Also, my safety was an issue because who knows what crazies are out there. Tina says you know when something isn't right. My gut was shouting at the top of it's lungs, "RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY!"
So I did.
I ran into the library and stayed there until I saw that they left.
About half way there, this sweaty man holding a long rope stopped me.
"Can you help this man by pulling his car faster than 15 miles an hour so he can bump start it?" He motions to two guys standing next to a car in the parking lot.
"Um, I don't think I know how to do that."
"We'll just tie this rope to your bumper, tie the other end to his bumper and then you can tow him"
"Um, I don't think that I want you tying anything to my bumper."
"Well, not your BUMPER but your hitch back there."
Creeped out, I glance again at the two guys standing next to the offending car. I start to try memorizing the make and model of the car, what these three guys look like, and what clothes they have on.
"Um, does this guy have a manual transmission?"
"No, you don't need one of those to bump start a car." (OK, I may be a girl, but, I've bump started a few cars in my day and I KNOW you can't bump start an automatic.) "We've just been trying it with it in neutral and then jamming it into drive. We just can't get it going fast enough."
I have visions of me pulling them through the parking lot and when they "jam" their car into drive, seeing the tires skid as my huge diesel drags it along for the ride, inevitably ripping off my bumper or theirs, or both.
"Come on. It'll only take five minutes."
I try the: "Man, this is my husband's truck."
"Nothing's gonna happen to it."
"Um, I don't thing this is a good idea. Sorry."
And I walked away. I did. I walked away.
Dooce just posted on her website a rhetorical question about whether you would give money to someone (homeless) even if you knew they were going to spend it on crack. And I felt kind of bad for not helping these guys. BUT...
This is going to sound like justification, but, these guys didn't care about my truck nor did they look like they had the resources to repair any damage that might be caused by helping them. What I think I did in this instance, is save damage happening to my truck. Damage that would cost more than a small $20 you might give to someone standing on the freeway on/off ramp during rush hour. Also, my safety was an issue because who knows what crazies are out there. Tina says you know when something isn't right. My gut was shouting at the top of it's lungs, "RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY!"
So I did.
I ran into the library and stayed there until I saw that they left.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Anger Management
I'm new to the Spin Cycle... my friend Tina got my interested in it, so I'm going to try it out...
There are many things that piss me off. I tend to have that part of my dad in me... you know, to throw a "riggin' fit" where you get so mad you throw a wheelbarrow full of wood across the backyard or chase after your kid with a clam shovel intending to kill him (not really) after he accidentally Frisbees a sand dollar into your temple while you are out clam digging at the ocean with the family.
Yes, I have that in me. And I have been known to kick a full garbage can across my kitchen floor spilling garbage everywhere because I was mad at my husband. (I think I really freaked him out...)
But I have to say that the thing that I CANNOT take is driving under the influence. I lost a friend a year and a half ago to a man who was high on meth and driving with a suspended license. My friend was a father, a forest service police officer, an awesome friend who would do anything for you. When he died, he sat in his vehicle bleeding out because it took so long for the EMS to cut him out of his truck.
He died before his wife and boys could get to the hospital to be with him.
It took a year and three months for the trial to happen. The man who killed him was accused and convicted of vehicular homicide which carries a maximum sentence of sixty-one months.
I posted the day we went to the trial here .
I'm still not over it. I don't know if I will ever be. So, if I could make one plea to all of you out there in the Internet, please, PLEASE don't EVER drive under the influence of ANYTHING.
It's NEVER good. Really bad things happen.
There are many things that piss me off. I tend to have that part of my dad in me... you know, to throw a "riggin' fit" where you get so mad you throw a wheelbarrow full of wood across the backyard or chase after your kid with a clam shovel intending to kill him (not really) after he accidentally Frisbees a sand dollar into your temple while you are out clam digging at the ocean with the family.
Yes, I have that in me. And I have been known to kick a full garbage can across my kitchen floor spilling garbage everywhere because I was mad at my husband. (I think I really freaked him out...)
But I have to say that the thing that I CANNOT take is driving under the influence. I lost a friend a year and a half ago to a man who was high on meth and driving with a suspended license. My friend was a father, a forest service police officer, an awesome friend who would do anything for you. When he died, he sat in his vehicle bleeding out because it took so long for the EMS to cut him out of his truck.
He died before his wife and boys could get to the hospital to be with him.
It took a year and three months for the trial to happen. The man who killed him was accused and convicted of vehicular homicide which carries a maximum sentence of sixty-one months.
I posted the day we went to the trial here .
I'm still not over it. I don't know if I will ever be. So, if I could make one plea to all of you out there in the Internet, please, PLEASE don't EVER drive under the influence of ANYTHING.
It's NEVER good. Really bad things happen.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)