So this week's Spin Cycle has to do with fear. What am I afraid of?
Well, by nature, I am afraid just about everything.
Really, I am.
I HATE spiders. The thought of them makes me shiver uncontrollably. And, the fact that someone told me once that the average person eats 5 spiders a year, in their SLEEP, makes me want to cover my mouth and nose with duct tape every night.
When I was a kid, I was afraid of walking anywhere by myself. I hated to walk "up town" to the grocery store for something my mom forgot and would often beg, plead and bribe my sister to go with me. I REFUSED to walk anywhere at night that was off my block.
I hate scary movies, haunted houses and Halloween. I don't like the feeling of being scared. I don't like answering the door to trick or treaters on Halloween. I hate the fact I can't see who people are under all of the masks or face paint.
I do fear losing a family member. I don't have kids of my own, but, the thought of losing a niece or nephew, or brother or sister is a scary thought to me.
But the thing I fear most is conflict. Hate ANY kind of conflict. The thought of an argument with my husband or sister or mom sends my heart racing and gives me the sickening feeling in my stomach. It almost feels like my body is getting ready for the fight or flight response. If it's a conflict that goes on for more than a day, it can get so bad that I don't eat, sleep and get depressed. My brain automatically decides that the reason the other person I'm having the conflict with is right, that it's MY fault or that I did something wrong. And to make the conflict go away, I will just roll over and let them walk all over me.
Well, and that lends itself to all kinds of other issues.
I don't know why I'm like this. I have ALWAYS been like this. Even in grade school, when my friends would get "mad" at me. (You know how the "mean girls" work...) My heart would start pounding, my stomach would get the sick feeling and my brain would race to try to figure out a way to get back in their good graces.
Because it was my fault, wasn't it?
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4 comments:
Great spin! I have had the same reaction to conflict unless I am the one causing it. Sometimes, I just do what I can to get things smoothed out just because it's less energy than trying to stand up for myself. Oy! You're linked!
I feel the same way. I hate the anxiety of "maybe" conflict. Because they I have ot prepare myself for that possibility which is almost as bad as the confrontation itself.
I hate conflict. That is probably why so many people take advantage of me!
I can relate. I'm very non-confrontational. I avoid conflicts when I can. I'm so grateful I'm past those "mean girl" days.
I used to be that way about conflict until I got the job I'm in now. It's such a huge part of my job it doesn't even phase me anymore. While it's nice not to get all worked up over things anymore, it has turned me into a little bit of a B along the way. So apparently there's a trade off!
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