Things I Learned at RA

I have been to RA for the last 4 years. Honestly, I have to say that this year was the best yet! I roomed with my friend Tina and I am SO glad that I did. Tina has become a friend that I treasure very much. She is the kind of person who has fun everywhere she is and whoever she is with. She is hysterically funny, insightful, reflective (no, not like neon), and sweet. You know that she cares about you. (She also doesn't parade around the hotel room naked and try to have a conversation with you while doing so. Another plus!)

This year at RA I learned MANY new things.

I now have a vocabulary that is very extensive:
1. hot lunch
2. butt monkey
3. monkey fucker
4. penguin butt
5. "rack" star
6. pindergarten
7. equipments
8. butt burp
9. coin purse
10. bloody eye disease
11. pressed fruit
12. Schultzy
13. Pantaloons

(If you happen to be wondering about number 4, read here and you will understand exactly what I am talking about. )

I learned several important lessons at RA:

1. If you ever want to steal the silver wear from a restaurant, slip it in your friend's purse.
2. NEVER fight a penguin butt for garbage.
3. ALWAYS take your ear buds from your iPod out of your ears BEFORE having a conversation with another adult DURING a professional conference. (Especially when the speaker is very soft spoken.)
4. Captain Kangaroo is a pervert.
5. The most annoying sound in the world WILL NOT win a girl's heart.
6. Giant Radio Flyer wagons are dangerous.
7. Even first grade teachers say "fuck".
8. Smuggling a drink into a conference can be a good thing.
9. Tulips on an organ are not always pretty.
10. Nine men in a hotel room... well, need I say more?
11. ALWAYS room with a great friend.
12. Make sure to check your t-shirt in the area around your belly button for sweat when exercising.
13. The things you find hysterically funny are usually not so funny to your guy friends.
14. Always push for ass.
15. Drink extensively at every meal break.
16. DO NOT go to Friendship Night. (They might talk you into doing Karaoke.)
17. NEVER tuck your shirt into your panties. (Especially if they are granny panties.)
18. Asking eighteen million questions does not win you any friends. (Is that OK? Did you like that? What do you want to do now? Is that all?)
19. Captain Kangaroo's friends are perverts too.
20. Karma IS a bitch.

I have to say that I can't remember a time when I have laughed as much as I did last weekend.My stomach and ribs still hurt. Even as I write these things, I am laughing hysterically. Here. Alone. In my office. Alone. At Home. Yeah.

So, if you ever get a chance to go to RA, please be sure to take my list with you. These new vocabulary words and lessons will definitely be extremely helpful if you want your time there to be enjoyable. Also, you could fashion it into a blunt instrument to stab repeatedly into your eye when needed.