I Would Like a Desk of Cheeze-its Please

So, as some of you know, I've been getting some slave labor from my nephew. He wants a cell phone and his mom and step-dad have told him that they would buy the cell phone for his 8th grade graduation if he can pay for half the monthly bill. The catch is that he is not allowed to use money that he gets as gifts and such. They want him to WORK for the money.

AND he has to have five months of the bill ahead of time. My sister figures that the monthly bill will be about $4o.oo a month so that means Sal needs to have $100.00 saved up before they'll even purchase the phone. So, Sal has been working for me for $5.00 an hour stacking my monstrous wood pile. I love it. I'm not so sure Sal does!

So, I've been able to spend some time with Sal stacking wood and just talking to him. He's a pretty funny kid. He, all of a sudden, is liking the old 80's bands. And when I asked him about liking 50 cent and Akon (sp?), he said, "Auntie, that was when I was a douche bag."

OH! OK then.

So I find out he really loves the show Family Guy. He was talking about an episode where the dad was a personal shopper. He had me laughing so hard I nearly peed myself. I thought I'd share it with y'all...

Look here to see the clip.

Music Monday

I've been thinking a lot about perceptions of people and who I think they are. Sometimes it bites me in the ass because I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. It really pisses me off when I get burned. Here's this week's installment...

Perfect by nature
Icons of self indulgence
Just what we all need
More lies about a world that

Never was and never will be
Have you no shame?
Don't you see me?
You know you've got everybody fooled

Look here she comes now
Bow down and stare in wonder
Oh how we love you
No flaws when you're pretending

But now I know she
Never was and never will be
You don't know how you've betrayed me
And somehow you've got everybody fooled

Without the mask
Where will you hide?
I can't find yourself
Lost in your lie

I know the truth now
I know who you are
And I don't love you anymore

It never was and never will be
You don't know how you've betrayed me
And somehow you've got everybody fooled

It never was and never will be
You're not real and you can't save me
And somehow now you're everybody's fool

~Evanescence, "Everbody's Fool"

My Dearest Tinsey

Dear Sal,

I can't believe that yesterday you "graduated" from Middle School. Oh, I know... Mr. Newell said that you guys weren't "graduating". He said that a graduation is an "end" to something. He said that your class wasn't ending their schooling career. They were beginning their high school one.

Whatever. You've graduated from Middle School. I don't care what Mr. Newell says.

You were born almost 14 years ago. I remember. Well, duh, I'm Auntie. I should remember. Munka called me from the hospital and told me I better get there. You were on the way. I was coming from Redmond and I'd missed both Robert (I was working at school) and Bradly (Auntie Yaya practically had him in the car he was so fast) and I didn't want to miss you.

Munka, of course, was lying. You weren't even close yet. She just wanted me to think that you were so that I could leave work and be sure to be there.

I remember your dad coming out of the room after you were born. The first thing he said was, "Omigod! It's a boy! He has HUGE feet!" And then ran back into the room.

He was so excited. We all were. My sister had a kid. WOW. But your mom was one to do everything before me, so I wasn't surprised that she had a baby before me. Your dad came out and told us what your name was. I thought that you had the coolest name ever. So lucky were you that you got to have your dad's grandpa's name.

We all said how beautiful you were. Your mom? She said, "His face looks kind of scrunched and his eyes are far apart." Only your mom would notice those things. And they weren't really... You were over cooked. You were two weeks late. You didn't want to come out. You were just-fine-and-dandy-in-there-thank-you-very-much.

That year was also the year that I started teaching first grade at my school. You, your mom, and Munka came in to help me set up my classroom. I had ABSOLUTELY no idea what I was doing. I was going with the flow and hoping it would be enough. I remember singing the Bicycle Race song by Queen to you and pumping your legs all around. You would smile and just look at me like I was a lunatic. But, you would find that out later. (That Auntie is a lunatic, that is).

When your mom and dad split up, your mom took a job at the tavern nights, so that she could support you and not have to pay day care because Munka and I took turns babysitting you. I was lucky enough to get to have you one night a week. I would come and get you after school, bring you home and then your mom would come in the middle of the night when she was done working and stay over night too. I loved those Tuesday nights. You were a kick in the pants. You never complained what I served for dinner, in fact you ate everything. You and Ed played video games or you helped him with whatever project he was working on at the time.

Now you are almost 14. HOLY CRAP! 14????? And you've "graduated" from Middle School. Can I just say that you have turned into the nicest, funniest most pleasant kid to be around? Your mom and Ryan have done an awesome job raising you. I love that you will try any sport "just because I felt like trying it, Auntie" or that you can make fun of things in a new and interesting way (your poetry project), that you LOVE Journey now and all those old 80's hair bands like KISS. (God, that's hysterical!) I love that you still call me Auntie and like to be around me. (I know that won't last forever.)

So, my dearest Tinsey, know your Auntie loves you dearly and wishes only good things for your future. And, if you ever need anything at all, I am ALWAYS here for you.

Love,

Auntie

Isolation

Today is the first official start day of my summer vacation. I have packed my classroom (I'm moving into the building from a portable this year.), filed my report cards and moved most of my belonings so the custodians don't have to do it.

Sigh.

I'm not really sure it's vacation yet, yo!

So, here's this week's installment for your listening/reading pleasure. I think it's fitting for today.


Morning's here
I feel so far away
It seems like I felt this before
All alone
Sun burns my skin
I can't live with pain anymore
And with you on my mind
Thinking of all that we've said
Were they just words
We'll live to regret
Why won't you stay?

How does it feel
To make me fall apart
Could this be love
Or just a broken heart
How do you feel
When you see me cryin' again

Times have changed
Is love at an end?
What makes us wonder why?
Rearranged
Just pretend
I can't stand the thought of goodbyes
And with you on my mind
Thinking of all that we've said
Were they just words
We'll live to regret
Why won't you stay?

How does it feel
To make me fall apart
Could this be love
Or just a broken heart
How do you feel
When you see me cryin' again
~Toto, How Does it Feel?, Isolation

I Don't Feel Tardy

Here it is... The last four and a half days of school of this year. *sigh*.

I can't believe it's finally here. The last month has shown me that the portal to hell CAN open up somewhere in a school and move from place to place as it chooses. The kids have checked out, heck, I have checked out! I don't want to be here any more than they do... Motivating kids who have checked out is the WORST part of the end of the year.

So, in honor of the last week of school, here is this week's Music Monday...

spoken:

"Oh wow, man !"
"Wait a second man. Whaddaya think the teacher's gonna look like this year ?"
"My butt, man !"

T-T-Teacher stop that screaming, teacher don't you see ?
Don't wanna be no uptown fool.
Maybe I should go to hell, but I'm doin' well,
teacher needs to see me after school.

Chorus:
I think of all the education that I missed.
But then my homework was never quite like this.
Got it bad, got it bad, got it bad,
I'm hot for teacher.
I got it bad, so bad,
I'm hot for teacher.

spoken:
"Hey, I heard you missed us, we're back !"
"I brought my pencil"
"Gimme something to write on, man"

I heard about your lessons, but lessons are so cold.
I know about this school.
Little girl from cherry lane, how did you get so bold ?
How did you know that golden rule ?

chorus

(guitar solo)

"Oh man, I think the clock is slow"
"I don't feel tardy"
"Class dismissed"

~ Van Halen, Hot for Teacher

Music Monday... On Thursday

Oh, Internets... It's the end of the year and I am SO tired. My students have stopped listening and I think that the portal of hell has moved from Tina's room to mine. Ears and listening are apparently optional five and a half days before the last day of school. So, I bring you Music Monday a teeny bit late this week. (Well, a lot late since I haven't posted since the middle of May). Sigh...
Just enjoy, OK?

All right!
Stop whatcha doin'
'cause I'm about to ruin
the image and the style that ya used to.
I look funny
but yo I'm makin' money see
so yo world I hope you're ready for me.
Now gather round
I'm the new fool in town
and my sound's laid down by the Underground.
I drink up all the Hennessey ya got on ya shelf
so just let me introduce myself
My name is Humpty, pronounced with a Umpty.
Yo ladies, oh how I like to hump thee.
And all the rappers in the top ten--please allow me to bump thee.
I'm steppin' tall, y'all,
and just like Humpty Dumpty
you're gonna fall when the stereos pump me.
I like to rhyme,
I like my beats funky,
I'm spunky.
I like my oatmeal lumpy.
I'm sick wit dis, straight gangsta mack
but sometimes I get ridiculous
I'll eat up all your crackers and your licorice
hey yo fat girl, c'mere--are ya ticklish?
Yeah, I called ya fat.
Look at me, I'm skinny
It never stopped me from gettin' busy
I'm a freak
I like the girls with the boom
I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom
I'm crazy.
Allow me to amaze thee.
They say I'm ugly but it just don't faze me.
I'm still gettin' in the girls' pants
and I even got my own dance

{Chorus:}

The Humpty Dance is your chance to do the hump
Do the Humpty Hump, come on and do the Humpty Hump
Do the Humpty Hump, just watch me do the Humpty Hump
Do ya know what I'm doin', doin' the Humpty Hump
Do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump

People say "Yo, Humpty, you're really funny lookin'
"that's all right 'cause I get things cookin'
Ya stare, ya glare, ya constantly try to compare me
but ya can't get near me
I give 'em more, see, and on the floor, B,
all the girls they adore me
Oh yes, ladies, I'm really bein' sincere
'cause in a 69 my humpty nose will tickle ya rear.
My nose is big, uh-uh I'm not ashamed
Big like a pickle, I'm still gettin' paid
I get laid by the ladies, ya know I'm in charge,
both how I'm livin' and my nose is large
I get stoopid, I shoot an arrow like Cupid,
I use a word that don't mean nothin', like looptid
I sang on Doowhutchalike, and if ya missed it,
I'm the one who said just grab 'em in the biscuits
Also told ya that I like to bite
Well, yeah, I guess it's obvious, I also like to write.
All ya had to do was give Humpty a chance
and now I'm gonna do my dance.

{Chorus}

Breakdown:
Oh, yeah, that's the break, y'all
Let me hear a little bit of that bass groove right here
Oh, yeah!
Now that I told ya a little bit about myself
let me tell ya a little bit about this dance
It's real easy to do--check it out


First I limp to the side like my leg was broken
Shakin' and twitchin' kinda like I was smokin'
Crazy wack funky
People say ya look like M.C. Hammer on crack, Humpty
That's all right 'cause my body's in motion
It's supposed to look like a fit or a convulsion
Anyone can play this game
This is my dance, y'all, Humpty Hump's my name
No two people will do it the same
Ya got it down when ya appear to be in pain
Humpin', funkin', jumpin',jig around, shakin' ya rump,
and when the dude a chump pump points a finger like a stump
tell him step off, I'm doin' the Hump.

{Chorus}
Black people, do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump
White people, do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump
Puerto Ricans, do the Humpty Hump, just keep on doin' the hump
Samoans, do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump
Let's get stoopid!

{Chorus}
Oh, yeah, come on and break it down

Outro:
Once again, the Underground is in the house
I'd like to send a shout out to the whole world,
keep on doin' the Humpty Dance,
and to the ladies,
peace and humptiness forever

~Digital Underground, Humpty Dance